Tag Archive: prayer


Storm in Pacifica, California

I have fallen in love with the sea.  No man or woman has ever loved or felt more passion for anyone or anything.  Every time I am with her I think she is more beautiful than ever before.  She amazes me with her complexity, never the same twice.  One day, she is sunny and tranquil, glittering as a king’s ransom in jewels, another, she is raging, banging against constraints, crashing in turmoil and passion.  This day, she is gray and mysterious, cloaking her secrets in a shroud of fog.  Hoarding all her wealth, then carelessly tossing away treasures from deep within her, leaving them discarded in her retreating wake.  Uncontrollable power rising up, increasing, speeding, rolling to me, undulating in her seductive dance,  indifferently shattering, pummeling against me, then reluctantly, caressingly retreating.  I am awed, drawn beyond my power to resist.  She is my muse, my lover, my religion.  There is nothing I have ever known more like God:  vast, timeless, power beyond conceptualization.  Her waters cleanse my soul, renew my spirit.  There is no problem I have brought to her which she cannot shrink to nothingness next to her ancient, endless, fathomless magnificence.

Give me four sticks with a canvas sheet stretched between and I would live beneath it just to gaze at her in all her ever-changing beauty.  How humbling to see, hear, smell, taste, feel the magnificence of the Creator‘s artistry!  I am face-down in holy worship when I think how He could even conceive the idea of the universal sea composed of all this world’s waters.  Waters washing into one another, touching every life on this planet that has ever or will ever be; swirling, dancing around, over, under every continent, island, iceberg; covering massive colonies of life, mountains, deep abysses, hidden depths we have yet to plummet; and all the while kissing, blending, one with the endless sky.  My God!  I am overwhelmed to tears at the limitless gift of beauty you have given me!  Oh, Lord, I sing your praises with every cell of my being for your great love in giving me the sea.  If I never am with her again, I still will never have enough moments in eternity to express my gratitude for this chance to know and love her.   And through her, to know and love you!  I have seen your face reflected in the sea, magnificent, endless, containing more than my mind can grasp.  And new every day.  And new every day.

Advertisements
Crystal Room

Crystal Room (Photo credit: waving at you)

Sitting in my Crystal Room, I gaze about me trying to focus.  Sometimes it seems that the world can skew my inner vision more than my outer.  My “Spirit Vision” becomes blurry and I forget exactly what I am.  Spending time in my Crystal Room helps me remember.  I find a clear crystal and as I gaze into it, my reflection gazes back at me.  But this is not the ordinary reflection I see in my bathroom mirror:   the reflection colored often by my own insecurities and the lies I tell myself when I view the world with my pessimistic lenses over my eyes.  No, this reflection is true, eternal, and an accurate view of who I was created to be:  who God sees when He looks at me.

god

god (Photo credit: the|G|™)

I am a breathtaking creature of Light!  Being created in the image of God, being filled with His Spirit, I possess all the qualities of my Creator, just as Christ does.  I am Divine Love, Divine Joy, Divine Peace.  I am kindness, patience, understanding, wisdom.  I am good.  My unique personality is filled with the many gifts God placed within me.  To deny these gifts as I often did in the past, is to deny God.  Scripture tells me God places gifts in all his children.  Including me.  To refuse to acknowledge my gifts is to refuse to be who I am.  My light cannot shine if I continue to cover it in shame or false modesty.  God is so generous.  He has blessed me so richly with such amazing and wonderful gifts.  How can I use them for the good of mankind if I won’t allow myself to even acknowledge I have them in some misguided notion of false modesty?

When I study the scriptures and other holy texts, I can search and get an accurate picture of just who God sees when He looks at me.  The bible tells me I am the apple of God’s eye, God’s jewel, the fragrance of Christ.   I am His special treasure, a crown of glory, a Prince’s daughter, Christ’s ambassador,  a royal priest, more than a conqueror.  I have eyes like doves, enchanting tresses, am fair as the moon and clear as the sun.  I am a new creation, the beloved, a garden enclosed.  I am the perfection of beauty!

Yeah.  I especially like that last one too.   Wow.  That is exactly how God sees each and every one of us.  And not only is this how I should view myself, it is how I should view others.  It is how we should view one another.   Look at the people around you.  Look at your loved ones.  Look at the ones you struggle to love.  Look at the ones you struggle not to hate and the ones you are secretly or unashamedly glad to hate.  Now realize that they are the perfection of beauty to God.  The apple of His eye.  A royal priest.  Can we shave away all the junk and gunk from this world, clear away all that occludes their inner, hidden light to see that reality of what God made them to be?  God will give us those innocent dove-eyes to do so.  When we can look in the mirror and recognize the crystal-clear reality of who we, ourselves, are, we can begin to let go of others.  Let them walk their path without our input or judgement.  God is taking care of that stuff.  And let’s face it:  it is going to take all our energy to be our own lover.  Yes.  You read that right.  We need to be the lover we dream of someone else being– to ourselves!  We need to value, appreciate, nurture, and care for ourselves as we wish someone else would do.  That is truly loving ourselves.  And who better to love me than me?  I know my innermost needs and wants as no one else ever will.  Who better to love you than you?   When we can meet our own needs we no longer pressure others to do so and they are then free to be themselves.  Then we can truly learn to love and appreciate them for exactly who God made them to be instead of who we need them to be.  It is ageless wisdom that tells us that we can never truly love another until we have learned to love ourselves.  Unloved, we become desperate to find someone to meet our needs, constantly pressuring others to conform to our idea of who they should be.  Constantly demanding that they give to us what we should be giving to ourselves.  How did our vision ever become so skewed as to think it is wrong to care for our own needs?

Two mice; the mouse on the left has more fat s...

Two mice; the mouse on the left has more fat stores than the mouse on the right. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Learning who and what I am, knowing what sustains me, fulfills me, delights me, fills me with joy–and nurturing myself in a healthy, happy fashion sheds the weight from my soul.  As I have allowed myself to love myself–I find my appetites and cravings have changed.  I no longer cram myself with senseless, unneeded excesses.  I don’t have to stuff myself with addictive properties like food, sex, alcohol–whatever.  There is no longer an empty gnawing space driving me to shove anything into it just to fill it.  The sheer weight of that empty space was such a burden!  The only thing big enough,sufficient enough to fill it once and for all is love.  Real unconditional love that only I can truly show myself.  When I filled that space up properly, I sealed that gaping hole and the weight dropped from my soul.  Then it ironically dropped from my body, too.  I have lost over 160 pounds in the last year.  I believe I have been on just about every diet known to man.  I can look at a plate and calculate the calories, diabetic exchanges, grams of protein, carbs, fat, etc.  I know about brown fat and yellow fat and resting metabolism and cardiac exercise and toning exercise.  I have even had a gastric bypass.  Nothing worked.  Now, when I finally accepted the outside and turned my attention inward, I discovered my outside was only a reflection of the weight I had been carrying around in my soul.  I have discovered that, for me, the key was to lose weight from the inside out.

I have also discovered that the more I learn to love myself, the more I become the person I have always truly wanted to be.  And guess what??  Turns out that the person I have really always wanted to be is pretty much the person I have always been underneath the dirt and garbage of this world all along.  My true inner being of light.  I am the perfection of beauty!  And so are you.  If you don’t know that yet, it is time for you to spend some time in your own crystal room gazing into a clear crystal until your own image becomes crystal-clear.  Look in that mirror until you see the perfection of beauty, then turn those dove-eyes out upon a whole new world!

unconditional.

unconditional. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Water

A rocky stream in the U.S. state of Hawaii.

Image via Wikipedia

This is my year to focus on gratitude and celebration of all God is and all the prosperity and blessings he pours forth on me every moment of every day. Today is the best day of my life! I have pledged to share here on FB at least one thing I am grateful for every day. Shoot me a comment if you pledge to join me in this goal for 2012. Gratitude can surely change our lives! Today, I am so grateful for: water. It is powerful, elemental, cleansing, refreshing physically, emotionally, spiritually. It teems with life and within life. It can be deliciously cold and sensually warm. Nothing is better when your hands are freezing than to warm them under a steaming stream of it. It caresses the skin, soothes the soul. We are baptized in it. It makes the wine and grain of our communion elements. Some of my favorite experiences with water are: walking in the ocean tide as I gaze into its vastness; steamy bubblebaths; awakening to the sound of pounding rain, babbling brooks, ocean surf; my hot sweet tea; cold and splashed on my sleepy face; icy and dripping from a sweating glass into my parched mouth; splashed at me as I play in it with a friend; splashed out when I jump in a rain puddle; on my altar as I connect with the Divine in prayer.

Today, Father God, I thank you for water. It is an elemental part of me, my life, and all life and it is good.

via (2) Jodiebeth Slatton-Bloedel.

Colors of Angels

Continue reading

Well, here I am.

Please bear with me as I learn all this new technology.  My teenagers can only spare me so much of their valuable time to explain how to use new-fangled ‘quipment!

Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself, everyone else is taken.”  What a difficult goal this one sometimes is!  Here in my Crystal Room I ponder how often I allow myself to be bullied by my own inhibitions and ideas of what someone else might think.  And I consider myself one of the more open people I know!  But if I am truly a child of God with His Divine Spirit dwelling within me, what am I so afraid of?  I think the greatest gift we can give to the world is to be just who God created us to be.  How can we possibly fulfill our purpose if we don’t step up to the plate of our own identity?  Just a thought.

So, if, as I believe, writing is a huge part of my divine purpose, won’t I serve humanity better by embracing who I really am?  I think of the most natural people I have known–you know the ones–no pretensions.  They might swear in church if they spilled red cool-aid on the choir director’s white robe.  They are just who they are.  And what a gift they have been to me!  These are the souls towards which I am intrinsically drawn.  As I am writing, here, and in my novels, I believe my writing will benefit from concentrating less on what Sister Bertha-Better-Than-Me (thank you, Ray Stevens) is thinking about me because of what I’ve written, and more on truth.  Truth for myself as I understand it today, and truth for my characters.

On another topic, I have been walking this past week through what I have always called:  The Valley of the Shadow of Death.  This is not a new place for me.  I have been here many times.  Sometimes it feels it gets harder with each loss or possible loss.  But, apologies to King David, I think the semantics have done me a disservice.   Death and loss pile up until I am drowning beneath my own thoughts.  Sometimes I have to be reminded to take a deep breath, let it out, and on the next inhale, breathe in a different perspective.  I have decided from now on I am going to call this valley:  the valley of the shadow of transitions.  Death is forever.  Human souls are eternal.  Those I love do not die; they walk through a door I will one day walk through myself.  This door never closes.  Too much traffic, maybe.  But even though I can’t walk through that door myself, yet, I can certainly meet those on the other side at the threshold!  I am not losing.  They are not dying.  We are just going through life’s changes.  Now, there’s that new breath in and I find it much easier to breathe.  Now I have that peace that passes understanding.  I am getting it.  You probably already had it, but now we can share!

Does this mean I don’t weep or feel sorrow?  Remember that bit about being my true self?  I have been created a feeling, thinking, acting, spiritual being.  I need to fire on all cylinders to be me.  Jesus wept at the grave of his friend, Lazarus, and on the night before he was seized and put to death.  Think not?  I cannot imagine, “sweating as if it were great drops of his blood,”  not invoking weeping.  I’m sure there were many other times, too.  But I have learned that I can weep and still be at peace.  Imagine that!  I’ve experienced it lately and I still can’t believe it!  Feeling bereft because of change and the possibility of someone who makes my days so much brighter not being in that dearly loved vessel of clay where I can reach out and touch and hug makes me weep.  Knowing life is eternal–really spending time in silence with God and knowing it–that makes me weep also.  In gratitude and joy.  How wondrously we are made!  What phenomenal craftsmanship!  And each of us truly unique–no wonder we feel loss at the idea of losing such a one-of-a-kind miracle from our fleshly circle.   Well, that’s the first installment from my crystal room.  See you tomorrow.  And thanks for coming to visit!

%d bloggers like this: