Stormy SkyWhat a funk I am in today!  Christmasjust doesn’t seem to go according to my plans any more.  I plan a trip; it falls through.  We are going caroling; someone gets sick.  I decide what gifts to make; I can’t get the right ingredients or items I need.  I make my lists, check them twice; I throw them in the trash because my money didn’t work out.  I feel the angry-worried-exhausted-stressed-haunted-grieved-jealous-pitiful-hide-under-the-covers Christmas blues!  I can’t find that quiet inner chamber within myself.  There is way too much internal noise.  My body bears the brunt with pain exploding, making me more irritable.  I need help!

Upset

Image by Jeremy Bronson via Flickr

But I don’t feel like making the effort.  Maybe I don’t feel like I am worth the effort today.  But God has infinite, abundant grace and He puts me in a position where I feel compelled to go the beach for others’ sake.  I don’t want to go and yet it is just where I need to be.  Thank you, God, for my family, who make me strong when I am weak.  And thank you for the divinity I experience by your deep blue crystal waters.  I force myself up, drawn against my will, rolling up my pant legs, shucking off my shoes.  And I am pulled into the biting cold surf.  And I walk alone down the isolated shore lost in  horizon,  sea,  blue,  green, time, and primitive, raw life-force.  It is overcast.  Stormy waves crash the land, beating in a tempest to match my inner turmoil.

I love the ocean on a day like today. Walking in the chill water in my bare feet as the dark, moody waters roll over my legs, pushing me, washing it’s primordial secrets against me, connecting me to the dawn of time. I think about all the places the water touching me may have been: Crashing against the Ivory Coast of Africa while slaves were forced to these very shores, freezing and thawing in the desolate frozen places where the Titanic sank, racing down a sultry South American river giving a life-source to ancient peoples, or evaporated into the heavens, falling in gentle rains or tumultuous, thundering downpours back again upon the earth. I am connected to the universe and eternity in this swelling, swirling sea. I am minute, a speck; I am as broad as the sky. And suddenly the worst of my problems seem to dissolve into the vastness of forever. Peace outside of time envelops me and I transcend this existence. Oh, the sea! And I walk along its shore and life is good.

Moody Sea

Image by jackfraser via Flickr

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